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Life is hard…..

October 2, 2016

Life is so hard.  I used to say every project costs twice as much and takes three times as long to create….now I believe that is not true…it costs three times as much and takes four times longer to create.  I am at a very difficult time in my life.  I have a job that requires 60 to 80+ hours a week.  I have a small piece of land with an old, old, old house that my sons are I are gutting and rebuilding.  It’s difficult since we all work too many hours, plus they are building their own homes, with their own hands, themselves.  My goal was to move into my house by June and here is its already October with no soon move in date near.  It’s depressing.  I go to the house but don’t have the confidence and strength to complete the floor myself.  I decided to keep the kitchen cabinets and I redid the back splash this summer with contractor stakes stained different colors.  I like the look.  The kitchen floor and living room floors are completely finished and ready for tile almost; I say almost because the fridge I got is wider than the space so I ripped the front doorway coat closet to make the space wide enough for the fridge and now we need to build a small set of shelves in that area.   The hallway sub-floor is ripped up ready for new insulation and new flooring.  The bedroom floors need to be ripped up and the bathroom needs to be gutted from floor up.  Now the well house needs to be rebuilt.  I can envision it all completed but it just takes time…the precious commodity we don’t seem to have enough of right now in our lives.  So, I find myself exhausted and almost numb and unable to accomplish anything.  Sometimes I wonder if I’m just not pushing myself hard enough.  I worked at the house all day yesterday and felt satisfied with a full day of work but then I look at the house and see everything that needs to be completed it feels overwhelming.  It’s fall and with it brings the strong desire to quilt and knit.  I can envision myself sitting outside in a comfortable chair, cup of hot tea next to me while I knit and listen to the birds singing and watch the squirrels chase each other or gathering their nuts for the winter.  But, between reality and what I can envision is so very much work and so very little free time to make it happen.  I pray for the strength and courage to make it happen because in the end I know it will be worth all the stress and hard work.

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